Relationships are complicated, and no matter how good they are, they always require work to stay healthy. But it’s not just the relationship that needs maintaining, you do too.
Have you ever experienced your partner doing something you didn’t agree with, saying something you didn’t like, or acting in a way that made you feel sad or angry – but you decided not to say anything? Maybe you told yourself things like “What’s the point?”, “It’s silly or petty.”, “I don’t really care anyway.”
Not saying anything might seem easier in the moment, but it doesn’t make those thoughts and feelings go away. Instead, they quietly build up, becoming a kind of emotional background noise. Withholding feelings and withdrawing emotionally is one of the strongest predictors of relationship breakdown. This pattern can make it increasingly difficult to express yourself openly and honestly, until eventually you find you’ve become distant and disconnected.
Does this sound familiar?
You begin to pick at the relationship, finding reasons to justify stepping away. But what are you really trying to get away from? Could it be that finding flaws in your relationship is easier than acknowledging your own role in maintaining silence? The lack of action and the things left unsaid.
Open communication, vulnerability and trust are central to secure, satisfying relationships. When you consistently hold back your thoughts and emotions, you’re unintentionally creating distance that may reinforce insecurities.
Yet, even if there are many years’ worth of unsaid feelings, it doesn’t mean it’s too late. You can start speaking up now. You have a voice, and it’s likely your partner genuinely wants to hear it. Relationships thrive on partnership, and a healthy partnership requires both of you to do the work, together and individually.
In counselling, I can support you in safely exploring and understanding your emotions, needs and patterns of relating. Counselling isn’t just about “fixing” the relationship. It’s about rediscovering yourself, finding your voice and building your capacity to express yourself honestly and clearly. Together, we’ll work to help you feel empowered to reconnect and move towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with yourself and your others.
